Batterymouth

Author Archives: Zack Whittington

The Great Reference Post Regarding My Zipper

06

Mar

2009

I have a new favorite pair of pants.  Okay, so they’re from Old Navy, and yes I got them on clearance, but they’re extremely comfortable, and I think they’re rather fetching.   They’re orange-ish brown “moleskin”, and were perhaps a little tight when I bought them.  The button lasted a week before it popped off like the [...]

Posted in Uncategorized, random | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments (0)

Zombies in the Kitchen

19

Feb

2009

Ladies, say your man cain’t cook?  Well, this man can.  Okay, so he’s not really a man.  He used to be.  When he was alive.  Yeah, he’s not really alive anymore either.  SO he’s got a few negatives against him.  At least he can make the shit out of some grilled cheese, which is precisely what [...]

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Comments (1)

An Ode to the Lovers

13

Feb

2009

A very… early morning…   video…   Nothin’ but love for ya.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Comments (0)

Burt’s Beeswax and The Economic Downturn

03

Feb

2009

I love me some chapstick.   I apply countless times throughout the day.   Typically, I don’t have an addictive personality, but when it comes to keeping these lips moist, I am a waxy fiend.  I’ve sold beanie babies that I stole from McDonald’s in a parking lot out of the back of my car,  just to support my habit.  [...]

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Comments (2)

Masturbation Attempt Foiled!

28

Jan

2009

Early in the morning comes a hero like no other.  With every just stroke of his keyboard, would-be, flesh-weilding vagrants are vanquished in their dimly lit studio apartment!  Our hero binds together 1’s and 0’s in such a way as to mislead such skillains (skin-villain) long enough for their mom to call, and ask if they’re eating healthy.  Our [...]

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (3)