Batterymouth

Author Archives: Zack Whittington

Masturbation Attempt Foiled!

28

Jan

2009

Early in the morning comes a hero like no other.  With every just stroke of his keyboard, would-be, flesh-weilding vagrants are vanquished in their dimly lit studio apartment!  Our hero binds together 1′s and 0′s in such a way as to mislead such skillains (skin-villain) long enough for their mom to call, and ask if they’re eating healthy.  Our [...]

M4W: White, blue-eyed, curvy girl with a gun

21

Jan

2009

I saw you last night on my  compy.  You were all ga-ga over this dude named Wally.   Whatevs.  I can see why you were diggin’ him, with his tank-tread and bedroom eyes.  So he can survive a rocket blast into space, and varying atmospheric conditions (douchenozzle).   I could too if I had the gear!  I realize [...]

Team Submarine at Sketchfest

11

Jan

2009

Saturday night I caught Team Submarine at the Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival (which has one more weekend of shows!)  Their opening itself blew me away.  Nate Fernald and Steve O’Brien came out to Bow-wow-wow’s, “I Want Candy” throwing smartees into the audience.  But they didn’t stop there.  Then came the slices of bread.  Then bananas. [...]